LUVANUTS.COM - Crazy in Love

Why I'm Not Married

TheNutsCracker — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 14:44:27 GMT

The Huffpost Women article titled, "Why I'm Not Married" written by Melanie Curtin

was published four days before Valentine's Day.

This article seems to give perspective from a woman who has never been married before, not women who are single after divorce.

Here are the six headline excuses that were cultivated with explanations:

I'm not ready.
I'm not willing to settle.
I haven't found the right partner.
I don't want to rush into marriage.
I actually do like being single right now.
I don't want to get married just for the sake of getting married.

TheNutsCracker finds this quite entertaining. But let's be real folks, there are plenty

of reasons that didn't make this list. So we would be remiss if we didn't explore...

TheNutsCracker's Top Six Reasons I'm Not Married (She Should've Said):

I haven't been asked. No one is on bended knee for me yet.
I have one too many cats in my home.
I have one too many kids as a single mother and one too many "baby daddies."
I can't convince a man that I'm not really crazy and my doctor won't write me a note.
I can't cook. I don't clean. And I'm a dead fish in bed.
I haven't met a man interested in me who makes enough money to support my unreasonable expectations.

If you are going to make excuses, let's be real honest about the situation.

Suck it up buttercup... Cinderella is not your name.

TheNutsCracker

@LuvaNuts.com

"Women put the most pressure on other women to get married."

Ref: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-curtin/why-im-not-married_b_1266872.html

10 Worst Gifts for a Valentine

TheNutsCracker — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 14:43:19 GMT

Well Happy Valentine's Day...

to those who celebrate this day without animosity or contempt for the commercialized approach to showing love on one day at of the year. Valentine's Day really isn't that bad unless you feel like no one loves you!! (also known as depression). If no one... no one at loves you, then you probably should spend some time with a professional psychiatrist who can help you diagnose the complex problems that lie deep inside. (or at least get an Rx that you can become addicted to).

But remember there are various types of love, and there's no reason that you can't fool someone into seeing your "humanity" and need for love. If serial killers can get women to fall in love with them while they are in prison, then there's hope for all of us.

Freelance writer Laura Gilbert wrote an article published on Yahoo.com and courtesy of Happen Magazine:

The 10 worst V-Day gifts…

Laura Gilbert's list includes:

1. Ye olde bouquet of red roses and baby’s breath

2. A box of assorted chocolates

3. Jewelry in a ring-sized box

4. Something girlie and decorative like a sachet, a candle holder, a silver wishing stone…

5. A cute stuffed animal bearing a message of love

6. Racy sleepwear

7. Anything that could be considered a small appliance

8. A nice bottle of cologne or perfume

9. A tie

10. A gift certificate

TheNutsCracker appreciates insight from any qualified source about ways to improve in the game of love; but wait just a minute. Hold on Laura. We aren't giving you a compliment.

First, when was this published? This would be helpful to struggling shoppers well in advance, not on Valentine's Day itself. By then it is too late. While Laura's opinions may have some weight to Valentine's Day haters, why not just summarize this list to say, "Everything that is shown in any Valentine's Day promotion shown on TV." That seems to be the list in summary.

And let's be honest, did Laura ever receive any of these? Or is this just "expert" research in summary? There are several quotes from people that may or may not be significant Valentine's Day insiders, but WHO CARES about those people.

Valentine's Day is a chance to make someone feel special. That's the simple reality. If something on the list above brings a smile and good feelings to the recipient, then BANG - THAT'S A GREAT GIFT. There is nothing on that list to complain about. You want a bad experience? Check out this list:

TheNutsCracker's 10 worst V-Day gifts...

1. a trip - to the doctor for unexplained love rash

2. a "Dear John" letter

3. V-Day candy from Walgreen's that went on sale Feb. 15th last year

4. a card delivered from a co-worker signed "secret admirer"

5. used whips, chains and handcuffs from an online S&M store

6. counterfeit cash

7. breath mints and chewing gum from Costco (a case each).

8. a life insurance policy on YOUR life

9. a set of luggage with your stuff in it

10. a "Sex" text from the "Ex" who was terrible at sex

So in comparison of the two lists... the message is: "Don't be ungrateful. It could always be worse!"

Happy Valentine's Day.

TheNutsCracker

@LuvaNuts.com

"It will be over soon. Relax."

Facing His Fist

TheNutsCracker — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 14:43:05 GMT

Boxing fans appreciate Thomas "Hitman" Hearns for his contributions to sports and entertainment. Former five-division champion Thomas Hearns, one of the most powerful punchers and popular fighters of his era, was one of 13 men elected to the International Boxing Hall of Fame.

So what does have to do with LuvaNuts. Well, another guy with the initials "T.H." is apparently a threat too. Mr. Terrence "Hit-a-woman" Howard was ordered Tuesday (12-6-2011) to stay 100 yards away from his estranged wife, Michelle Howard, who claims the Oscar-nominated actor consistently abused her throughout their short marriage, and even threatened to kill her.

Wait. This is "Mr. Whoop That Chick" from the 2005 motion picture Hustle and Flow that we are talking about. Yes, that soft-spoken and mild mannered guy may not have been stretching his acting skills as much as he let on. He voice gives evidence that he has some snap-ability. Doesn't it? Is he about the cry or start yelling like a bank robber? His voice is somewhat creepy.

Back to the point. A wife beater. Not a white tank top that some guys randomly wear like its a real shirt... or like are waiting to be interviewed on the news to give some half-baked account of a crime that they witnessed. No, we are talking about a wife who was beaten, according to the court documents.

When asked about the situation, Mr. Howard seems to have a disconnect about the question. Mr. Howard runs around the question of his abusive ways faster than a Memphis pimp trying to get his money from one of his hookers.

"I live in constant fear of Michelle's endeavors to ruin my reputation; even providing this declaration may well lead to my being subjected to a paparazzi blitz which would not be good for my career," Howard wrote. Read more >>

What? This is the biggest "threat" that she presents to you. She could ruin your reputation? C'mon Son!! The question is not about the effect of your wife's accusations. It is about the merit of the accusations which seem to have even more validity based on this lame as response. You, sir, are a hit-a-woman type of fella. You need help.

Be careful Terrence. One of these days, somebody may stick up for your ex-wife or another unnamed woman who has faced your fist. And if they do stick up for these women, you might find yourself laying on the bathroom floor like Skinny Black (Ludacris)... black eye, a few bruises, a bloody mess, laying in piss with your willy wonka caught in your zipper.

And that's when paparazzi could ruin your career! Call it, payback.

TheNutsCracker
@ LuvaNuts.com
"Be smart and strong enough to leave an abusive relationship."

Image credit: Getty Images.

No Boys Allowed

TheNutsCracker — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 15:12:09 GMT

Do we really need to say this? Apparently so! WTF is wrong with these men who find themselves compelled to fondle "families" of fifth graders or make "friends with benefits" from young boys, our future men? This is absurd.

Who's responsible for sweeping these issues under the rug? How do you knowingly turn your back on a man who is abusing ANY child? Why do we find law enforcement and court rooms reluctant to stand on the side of our children and society instead of "settling" these issues quietly? When are we going to kick down these closet doors and reveal these skeletons?

In a recent interview with NBC's Bob Costas, Jerry Sandusky was asked directly: "Are you sexually attracted to underage boys?" Sandusky repeated the question, paused, and responded, "No. I enjoy young people."

TNC: Sandusky... YES you are a pedophile.

For details about this story, Click Here.

A 48-year-old man, Gilbert Padilla was a former altar boy and filed a sexual molestation lawsuit stating that he was molested repeatedly by two priests in the 1970s.

The suit also names the Diocese of Kansas City-St. Joseph and, as its representative, Bishop Robert Finn, who currently leads the diocese.

Finn was indicted last month on charges that he failed to promptly report pornography on the computer of a priest, Shawn Ratigan, later indicted on 13 counts of child pornography in a case that roiled Kansas City's Catholic community.

TNC: Why wait until you're 48?? And these priests, apparently think that their God does NOT know they are molesting boys or worshiping children in a sexual way. Who are they praying to?

For details about this story, Click Here.

Megachurch leader, Bishop Eddie Long is still married today. However his wife Vanessa is finally waking up on the right side of "Obvious". She finally filed a petition for divorce Thursday in DeKalb County Superior Court to end her 21-year marriage to the embattled minister.

The split comes more than a year after allegations last year that Eddie Long used his lavish lifestyle and position of spiritual authority to lure four young men into sexual relationships. Eddie Long settled the cases but has never admitted to any wrongdoing.

TNC: Bishop this chess game is over. You should be so lucky not to face criminal investigation. But let's admit it, you have a tomb full of skeletons and you are getting off easy in this lifetime. Those boxers you're wearing seem to be made of gasoline though and your lucky number is 666.

For details about this story, Click Here.

Former longtime Syracuse assistant coach Bernie Fine is under investigation for child molestation.

Two former ball boys told ESPN last month that Fine molested them decades ago. Bobby Davis, now 39, said Fine molested him beginning in 1984 and that the sexual contact continued until he was around 27. A ball boy for six years, Davis said the abuse occurred at Fine's home, at Syracuse basketball facilities and on team road trips, including the 1987 Final Four. Davis' stepbrother, Mike Lang, 45, who also was a ball boy, told ESPN that Fine began molesting him while he was in the fifth or sixth grade.

Bernie Fine's wife told on him while basically telling on herself.

Laurie Fine: "I know everything that went on, you know. I know everything that went on with him. Bernie has issues, maybe that he's not aware of. But he has issues. And you trusted somebody you shouldn't you have trusted."

TNC: Laurie you are guilty by association. You knowingly remained married to pedophile and did nothing to protect the boys, warn the parents, or to expose the issue. This is loyalty gone wrong. If Bernie faces charges (like he should), Laurie should be sitting on his lap and handcuffed to his conviction. Call it 2-for-1 savings on taxpayer's funding of the judicial system.

For details about this story, Click Here.

TheNutsCracker
@LuvaNuts.com
"This cannot be accepted as normal. Unfortunately, the commonality of the occurrence is probably one secret to our sexual dysfunction as a society."

Blessed Bride Texts from Breast

TheNutsCracker — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 14:03:57 GMT

WATCH THIS 30-SECOND VIDEO OF A BRIDE SENDING TEXT MESSAGES DURING HER WEDDING:

Observations and Assumptions by TheNutsCracker:

#1. She's not the first to text while being a bride-in-progress. This is completely acceptable for future divorcees, but less disrespectful if it was a courthouse wedding.

#2. Her ample cleavage seemed quite an obvious place to hide a phone, but it wouldn't be out of the question to think she actually had a hidden inside pocket sewn inside her dress.

#3. The minister is giving a blessing during the texting! Maybe the bride was responding to God.

#4. When her father notices, his facial expressions are classic. Was he thinking, "My daughter is going to hell for this."

#5. The father must have forgotten that he was holding her hand. He should've squeezed her left hand until she feel to her knees and dropped that device.

#6. If the minister saw what she was doing, it would've been nice for him to stop the blessing and just wait until he had her attention. Or he could've just stopped and said, "Never mind. I'll just send it by text?"

#7. If the person on the other end of the text conversation is so important, why aren't they actually present at the wedding?

#8. This seems like a backyard wedding of some sort, and in the background there is a big STOP sign. That would be a great still photo... the stop sign is between the father and daughter. It is almost a caption coming out of the father's mouth as he stares in disbelief at his daughter.

#9. If the bride isn't really "into" the wedding moment, can it really go "downhill" from there?

#10. An addiction is an addiction. This chick is a "Crackberry" addict on a low budget. The groom should've recognized this long before the wedding. And the bride should be standing in front of an addiction specialist.

TheNutsCracker
@ LuvaNuts.com
"Screw the wedding. Try a surprise intervention!"

Back to Single Life

TheNutsCracker — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 14:44:19 GMT

Before "The Facebook" a person could easily define their relationship status quickly, cleverly, and discretely without backlash from an EX, curiosity from inquisitive friends/family, or being booted from the "friends with benefits program." Now a person's status must be a strategic part of a communications plan. Who you tell, how much you tell, when you tell, and what exactly you tell your FB friends seems to require a PR agent. One mistake could mean public humility, premature judgment or complete misunderstandings.

Read the screenshot below (hopefully you can see it):

Take for instance Mr. Kevin. After experiencing what seemed to be a disconnect from his fiancé Shannon, he decided to change his status from ENGAGED to SINGLE. What the hell is wrong with that? Hmmm... nothing at all, unless you are Shannon and you are still FB friends with Kevin. Even without naming who Kevin was engaged to, Kevin's FB friend Jessica and the other people who celebrated the engagement know saw the status change and commented. So changing his status was a broadcast message telling people that Shannon has either returned the ring, pawned it off, sold it on Craig's list, or thrown it into a large body of water to never be retrieved again.

Shannon's response to the status change was an obvious cry for "privacy" and a directive to Jess and all of Kevin's friends. (Surely she was emphasizing the "F*CK OFF" comment towards any and all of Kevin's female friends, right??). Notice the response from Kevin's friend Jon. He says, "Congrats dude!!" as the first response to Kevin's announcement. That's the same response that happens after a guy gets officially divorced (apparently). A single guy seems to be celebrated by other guys... whereas single women are often judged or consoled by other women.

So what have we learned from this simple screenshot saga of Kevin and Shannon...
We know love will drive us crazy, but "The Facebook" puts more "nuts" than a Snicker's bar in our relationships whether past, present or future.

We must be cautious about how we manage our relationship communications. It doesn't take much for a good thing to become spoiled and rotten like little girls in child beauty pageants (or any kid that has been shown on MTV's Sweet 16).

So in this light, TheNutsCracker is changing his writing status too. From Retired to Back in the Game ala Jordan and Jay-Z. Speaking of Jay-Z... hmmm should we address this baby with Beyonce??

TheNutsCracker
@ LuvaNuts.com
"Celebrating Freedom Friday with cocktails, but there will be no cake bashing like Jennifer on Season 3 of Basketball Wives."

Hoe Her Garden

TheNutsCracker — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 14:40:54 GMT

TheNutsCracker responds to social messaging towards women:

So, true... but if she didn't know the value of her land,
maybe she was spending time climbing "whore trees"
to get a better perspective of how to please a man?

Can you blame her for trying? How else was she supposed
to learn when her mother kept sending her outside to
play with boys from the neighborhood instead of teaching
her about "the boys in her neighborhood" who want to
come on her land.

Banging guys on the way down shouldn't be condemned.
Falling for every guys just means you have a big heart.
Banging every guy just means you like to wrap your legs around
tree limbs. What woman doesn't like a strong limb...#lesbian.

Going down on every guy, now that's a different story.
That can lead to scraped knees, chapped lips and
possibly salty swallows. But only your girlfriends will
condemn you for this. #shessuchaslut But don't worry.
They're just mad because you've seen more "johnsons"
than a Southern Baptist church.

Hmmm... this is unfortunate. But if it can't be cleared,
maybe it can be viewed. VIEW HISTORY could be
worth a lot of money. #pornstar

For women that have money and a little bit of fame,
they can do all of these things... be bad to "the bone"
and yet they don't get called outta their name.

What's the difference?

We love celebrity LuvaNuts. You know there are plenty of promiscuous celebrity women who have bumps and bruises from those whore trees.

TheNutsCracker
@ LuvaNuts.com
"If there was a forrest of whore trees, would that be Vegas??"

Teaching our daughters

TheNutsCracker — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 15:13:26 GMT

AS SEEN ON FACEBOOK:

We need to teach our daughters to distinguish between:
A man that flatters her and a man that compliments her….
A man that spends money on her and a man that invests in her.
A man that views her as property and a man that views her properly.
A man that lusts after her and a man that loves her.
A man that believes he is God’s gift to women and a man that remembers a woman was God’s gift to man…
And teach our boys to be that kind of a man…

AS CHOPPED AND SCREWED BY THENUTSCRACKER:

We need to teach our daughters to distinguish between:
A man that is interested in her versus a man that solely wants to see her naked.
A man that is protective of her versus a man that will stalk her and hide her body in the woods if she smells like she's had a conversation with another man.
A man that is honest and sincere versus a man who is sincerely "Sorry" all the damn time.
A man that has property versus a man who treats her like property to be used, abused, and misused.
A man who loves to see her coming and going versus a man who was already coming before she "got going." #earlyswimmers.
A man who appreciates women on every level versus a man who tries to depreciate a woman below his level.
A man who loves and respects his mother versus just another motherf*cker. #truth.

TheNutsCracker
@LuvaNuts.com
"Feels good to be back."

The Return of TheNutsCracker

TheNutsCracker — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 14:56:14 GMT

It has been three months since the silence began. It has been a self-inflicted, self-imposed silence. The voice, the thoughts, the pseudo-rants, the true rants, and the insightful awareness are boiling up. The time has come for the commentary to return. Even without a verified audience, TheNutsCracker will return to the stage... the podium... the soapbox... and the gutter (#dirtymind)... where he once reigned.

Designing Woman and Defender

TheNutsCracker — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 13:55:59 GMT

"Crouching Tiger, Flying Wendi" or a "Smack Down Sister"... wait a minute. Wait just a minute. Before TheNutsCracker gives some accolades to Wendi Murdoch for her volleyball spike at the pie delivery woman, let's take a quick step back.

Wendi Murdoch (formerly Deng) was a great student and champion volleyball player. Deng had enrolled in Guangzhou Medical College by the age of 16. (Medical College at 16???)

Her ticket out of China came in 1987, when she met a Los Angeles couple, Jake and Joyce Cherry. Cherry, then 50, was working in Guangzhou, helping the Chinese to build a factory to make freezers for food-processing plants. The Cherrys' interpreter told them of a young woman who was looking for help with her English. Joyce Cherry, then 42, began tutoring Wendi Deng.

The Cherrys sponsored Deng's bid for a student visa and agreed to put her up until she had established herself. By then 19-years-old, Deng arrived at the Cherry US home in February of 1988. She shared a bedroom and bunk beds with her hosts' five-year-old daughter.

When Joyce Cherry was sick and the married couple struggled, Wendi Deng began having an affair with Jake Cherry! (She was sexing up her sponsor!)

Joyce Cherry kicked Deng out, and her husband was soon to follow. He moved into a nearby apartment with Deng, who had enrolled at California State University at Northridge, a commuter college in the San Fernando Valley. The Cherrys divorced, and Jake Cherry married Deng in February 1990.

Well that didn't last, because Wendi "Cherry" found a young "stud" in his mid-twenties, David Wolf, to be her next bridge. While staying married to the 53-year old Jake Cherry, she continued seeing Wolf despite being discovered and reconciling with Jake.

Divorce records filed with the Los Angeles County Superior Court show that the Cherry-Deng marriage lasted two years and seven months. Yep, 7 months longer than it took her to get a Green Card. With card in hand, she was official and on the prowl.

Next thing you know, she's making babies and massaging the aging heart of Rupert Murdoch to become the heiress to a fortress of old money.

Regardless of whether or not you see her as a gold digger for hunting down the heart of an old billionaire bad boy, TheNutsCracker can say she's obviously ambitious. She's almost symbolic of how China as a nation is taking over the United States. So Wendi's defense of her man is certainly not in jest. That move is clearly commendable. But when you look at her history... would YOU TRUST HER?

While TheNutsCracker is not sure how much contact she made, she definitely tried to SPIKE that guy (or chick)! The irony of it all: If Joyce Cherry would've taken the same approach, she could've and should've slapped the hell outta Wendi from the very beginning. Maybe an old-fashioned ass kicking would have been a great way to introduce Wendi to the consequences of using people and breaking up families.

TheNutsCracker
@LuvaNuts.com
"How do you spell Opportunistic?"